am still trying to workout how to put an image as the background wall paper but i will figure it out eventually. right after i figure out a cure for aids and initiate world peace. so it will be anytime now...

ive had a crazy day. another blast-from-the-past crazy day. (although this time i wasnt drunk, so i didnt announce to the entire pub that the past just slapped me in the face, because i wasnt in a pub today. lucky huh?!)

some one very very special told me i was an amazing friend. and apologized, even though she didnt have to, for being...well...completely mental about me, a few years ago. She asked me why i never wanted an apology, or seemed to mind that she treated me like crap, and why i just kept on loving her all the way thru.

Well i dont think that i am that much of an angel, but i guess thinking about the whole thing i realised i didnt mind because i understood - people go mental. hell i know i have plenty of times before. probably plenty more to come. it was just lucky that we were strong enough to get through the insanity and still love each other.

another very very special person told me they felt that hermits curse was ruining their life. made me think what a huge hermit i had been lately. and how i almost made a huge big mistake. it feels really odd to see that i was about to stuff up, and not stuff up, instead of stuffing up, THEN realising that i am a retard. i should try it more often.

at the same time a little bubble has been burst. i found out that my x is still an alcoholic like he was when i left him. a fuckin crazy drunk, constantly getting shit faced and doing stupid things to harm himself, and others im sure. i dont know whether to feel sorry for him or to be embarrassed. to try and help just brings back bad memories. then i feel bad for being slack and uncaring. grrrr..

i dont know alot about the meanings of dreams. i tend to think they are real, just in another world. if this is true, then some one i love has died in their alternate reality. in a very scary way. they were being chased through a house through all these corridors and doors but eventually they were cornered, by a man on a couch with a gun. so she gives up, says, fine, shoot me. and then she got shot from another man, right in the ear. fell backward, saw black, and felt her heartstop. i rate that the scariest ever.

i wonder if we are all going cookoo. i think i might be, because i watched mullholland drive for the second time the other day, and seemed to understand everything, everything made sense and fit into place and connected and was wonderful. now thats just not normal, is it?!